As I write you this letter, the hubby and son#1 have left for church. I'm staying with son#2, who has had the flu since Thursday. He is better...thank you Lord! However, he is still considered contagious. I pray that you will have a good service and that the Lord will give you peace. Staying home with a sick child, has allowed me to have some quiet time and time of remembrance. I think back to all the times you took care of us four kids. You have devoted your whole life to us, Dad, the church, and all extended family and friends. You are a stay-at-home Mother who would greet me everyday after school with some good 'ole home cooked cookies or treat. I'll never forget what you have done for me, nor could I ever thank you enough. I don't know how you did it....raising 4 kids, taking care of the house, running errands, helping Dad on the farm and seeing to everyone's else's needs. You would just die, if you knew that I was telling everybody this, but this blogging is really good, cheap therapy;) Sometimes it just helps to write it all down. These are just some things that I want you to know.
I was up until 2 am this morning watching a Hallmark movie and bawling my eyes out, not only about the movie, but also about you. My heart breaks for you. I wish I could take all of this away, that I could take your place. But, just like in the movie, God has a plan, His Will, for your life, my life, and who are we to question it? We are human, and with that sinful nature; doubt, worry, anger, etc., sometimes gets the best of us. I want you to be able to get a new heart and feel good again. I feel selfish for asking so much of you. And my heart breaks for the life that will be lost in order for you to live. I know this is that person's wish, but it still hurts me to the core for that family. I know you have the same feelings. I wish that I had all the right words to say. When I was little you seemed to know exactly what to say when I was hurting, and you still do. It seems strange for us kids to be on the giving end where you are concerned. This too, is another challenge for you. You never want to be the center of attention and definitely not on the receiving end of anything. I want you to see, that it's your turn. We need you so much!
The movie ended like it began, with the preacher telling the love of his life, whom he never got to spend it with, that he promised her that they would accept the Will Of God...no matter what.....and they did! It wasn't easy, great pain abounded in their lives, but what blessings they received, even through the midst of their tribulations. Lives were touched! They ministered to others! Isn't that what it's all about? Yes, I know it is. So when doubt, confusion, anger, frustration, and the why's come....I will stand proclaiming....
"Though none go with me, I will follow, No turning back, No turning back"!
When I awoke this morning, I felt like maybe I had dreamed it all. The movie ministered to me in such a way and at the most needed time. Ain't God Good!! Here's the kicker: Mom you were the one who called me to tell me about another movie you were watching on the same channel, the one before the one I watched that helped me see God's Writing on the Wall! Goose bumps! Again, you were the one helping me and you didn't even know it!
I Love You!